Roles We Play

There is a wonderful section in On Grief and Grieving about the many roles we and our loved ones play in each other's lives.

"We are wife, husband, child, and parent. We are also the bill payer, gardener, organizer, mess maker, student, teacher, cook, complment giver, criticizer and confidante. We may be the repair person, movie partner, travel companion, clothes chooser, car repairman, and on and on.

When a loved one dies all the roles they fulfilled are left open. Some we consciously or unconsciously take on ourselves. For other roles, we consciously or unconsciously assign them to someone else or someone may take them on. Still other roles may be left unfilled."

One role they talked about in the book is the unique gift of seeing the humor in any situation and making others laugh. I know I will miss the humor that Stu brings to our lives. The book went on to say how one can take on these roles. So I told Stu the other day that there is hope for me to be funny and add humor to the conversation.

Another role Stu plays in our lives is the person who handles all car things. Like repairs, tires, insurance etc. I told Stu early on that these were his jobs and he has gladly provided these roles for many years. I certainly will miss having these things taken care of.

"We all play many roles in our lives...You knew your loved one in a way that no one else ever did or ever will...Your task in your own mourning and grieving is to fully recognize your own loss, to see it as only you can. In paying the respect and taking the time it deserves, you bring integrity to the deep loss that is yours."

I am only beginning to imagine the loss I will feel without Stu in my life. May God give me and the people who love him the strength to grieve our loss in our own way and the ability to find peace as we travel this road.